My Angel | Melody Joy

The profile picture I use on my social accounts is a cropped version of a picture that holds so much meaning for me.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is an organization that provides remembrance photography for families who never get to bring their baby home from the hospital. When I first heard about NILMDTS I knew it was something I had to do. Although I had not experienced a pregnancy loss myself at the time, my photography was a place of healing for me after the loss of my mother-in-law and brother so I wanted to provide that gift to others as well. Emotionally, I could only really handle doing about one every month. While I was in a session I knew I had a job to do so I could hold it together pretty well but when I sat down to edit and relive those moments I was a mess.

About a year into volunteering for NILMDTS, my husband and I were trying to conceive our second child. After seeing so much loss, I was terrified that the same would happen to me. When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, my fears became reality and we lost the baby. I was in complete conflict. At the same time that I was grieving the loss of a child I had never seen or even heard the heartbeat of, I felt like I didn’t have the right to be upset when I had witnessed so many moms lose a baby full-term. Then, when my husband’s work told him to stay home with me for a few days and sent us a bouquet of flowers, I felt like I was given permission to feel everything that I needed to about the loss of this child. My husband helped me create a tangible memory of him or her with a photograph. I plucked a rose out of the bouquet. One side of the photo is to represent the short time I had to soak up the beauty of that precious life growing in my belly, and the reflection was of the intense and very real pain that I let out as I crushed the petals and let them fall to the floor, just as my heart felt shattered into pieces. This picture reminds me that my angel baby will always hold a place in my heart.

This picture reminds me that my angel baby will always hold a place in my heart.


My Angel | Melody Joy

The profile picture I use on my social accounts is a cropped version of a picture that holds so much meaning for me.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is an organization that provides remembrance photography for families who never get to bring their baby home from the hospital. When I first heard about NILMDTS I knew it was something I had to do. Although I had not experienced a pregnancy loss myself at the time, my photography was a place of healing for me after the loss of my mother-in-law and brother so I wanted to provide that gift to others as well. Emotionally, I could only really handle doing about one every month. While I was in a session I knew I had a job to do so I could hold it together pretty well but when I sat down to edit and relive those moments I was a mess.

About a year into volunteering for NILMDTS, my husband and I were trying to conceive our second child. After seeing so much loss, I was terrified that the same would happen to me. When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, my fears became reality and we lost the baby. I was in complete conflict. At the same time that I was grieving the loss of a child I had never seen or even heard the heartbeat of, I felt like I didn’t have the right to be upset when I had witnessed so many moms lose a baby full-term. Then, when my husband’s work told him to stay home with me for a few days and sent us a bouquet of flowers, I felt like I was given permission to feel everything that I needed to about the loss of this child. My husband helped me create a tangible memory of him or her with a photograph. I plucked a rose out of the bouquet. One side of the photo is to represent the short time I had to soak up the beauty of that precious life growing in my belly, and the reflection was of the intense and very real pain that I let out as I crushed the petals and let them fall to the floor, just as my heart felt shattered into pieces. This picture reminds me that my angel baby will always hold a place in my heart.

This picture reminds me that my angel baby will always hold a place in my heart.

I want to give to others what I want most for myself – to relive the most important moments of life. Films are the closest we can come to going back in time.

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